How? How does it happen? How do you manage to put so much trash in your head?… How goddamn-it? How then do you flush your system, your body, your mind? A probationary period maybe? Just to be clean in body, mind, and soul for the mystics or the spiritual? How? Tell me. When do you change for the better, maybe the best? Is there really the best? Is it ever enough? Does the urge for much more make you better or do you enslave yourself to a cause that is endless to the grave? Are you better than anyone? Do you associate your problems with your environment, or with the people around you? Or with your origin? Is it better to live for purpose or to live with the fear of failure? Is it better to live just to breathe, eat, fuck, then die? Is it easier to just row the damn boat till the waves just knock you over?
These questions are like a maze. A closed maze. No answers, no way out. Psychologists, psychiatrists, people of acquired knowledge have problems too, don’t they? How would you know? I wouldn’t see one. I’ve never visited one so I don’t know. Dealing with people is hard. Especially if your intellect allows you a wider view of every situation compared to the people around you. Who do you compare yourself to? How do you choose? How do you decide which path to follow? They say listen to your heart. My heart doesn’t talk. Hell, how does a heart even choose? Maybe it has a brain of its own. At least that’s what my brain tells me. Or is it brains? To choose a path is hard. To find a way is easy. Things that don’t make sense seem easy to understand. A quantum physics book, for instance, is understandable but complicated at the same time, even completely easy to a few people I know. On the other hand, simple decisions like ‘quit smoking’ or quit some crazy shit are far much harder… but it’s simple, isn’t it? What are all these questions for? Raking a brain for answers that are practical and possibly achievable over time is a hard task. Why? Because every dawn changes at its pleasure. Let’s see what tomorrow brings with it. Answers, questions, maybe decisions to behaviors that need not be questioned… maybe no changes maybe the changes of a lifetime. Maybe. We’ll see, won’t we? Yes? No? Are you sure? I don’t know. So I close my eyes and leave tomorrow’s plans for tomorrow. I can always take a pen and pad and count my chicks before they hatch. I’ll think about it. I’ll even question myself all over again and see what I come up with.